Seamus's Sugar high
by ever-daydreaming kitty
Summary: This is a response to Kitty's challenge, Seamus is sugar high and Snape eats 'special' brownies
1. Seamus' Sugar High!

Disclaimer: Harry Potter series= not mine  
Pepsi company= not mine  
Magic brownies= not yet mine  
The Pepsi bottle and sugar packets used in this fic= the few things that are mine.  
  
Seamus Finnigan's Sugar High...  
  
The sun shone brightly through the clouds this sunny/cloudy afternoon.  
Seamus: OY! That dunnu make sense!  
I don't care... It's my fic.  
Seamus: But it's about me.  
Quiet you! Or I'll make you do horrible things!  
Seamus: Like what?  
I'll make you allergic to beer!  
Seamus: NO!! That'll disgrace my Irish ancestors! I'll be good.  
  
  
So the sun shone brightly through the clouds this afternoon, shining it's light though the window to the Gryffindor common room. Where a young Irish lad lay on the ground with about a hundred packs of sugar and some empty cans of Pepsi around him.  
"So Seamus. Do you still think muggle treats are worthless?" Fred and George said in unison. Seamus opened his mouth and moaned as a gooey sticky sugar-saliva mix oozed out of his mouth.  
"Oh no George, Seamus has a potions exam in an hour! And he is still in this state! Whatever shall we do!" Fred said mockingly. Seamus's eyes bolted open. "Potions Exam!" He managed to spit out, along with about a pound of sticky sugar-spit.  
"Oh yes..." Said George. "But don't worry too much Seamus, we baked Snape some 'special brownies...'"  
Fred showed Seamus a large baking pan full of brownies... mmm.... brownies...  
Seamus reached out to take one, but George slapped his hand. "Are you daft? These things will put you in a worse condition than you are in now."  
"In fact," Fred added. "I think those muggle sweets should just about take hold now..."  
Just after that comment, Seamus seemed to actually wake up. As he had been half-asleep before he ate all that sugar.  
"Should I be twitching like this?" Seamus said as he looked at his hands.  
"Oh yes, this is the fun part!" Fred and George again said in unison, before running down to the dungeon with the brownies.  
  
Seamus seemed to have two personalities now, one wanted to study as hard as it could for potions.  
And the other wanted to look at the sparkles on the roof, then set them on FIRE!  
  
And so the Gryffindor common room has a much higher roof.  
  
Harry Potter, the boy who lived-- of few words-- burst in through the portrait door. "see mouse! see mouse! The potions exam is in five minutes! lets' go!"  
"That's Shay-mus yah cheese eatin' brit!"  
"Wha?"  
"Ach, ne'er mind. I'ma comin' wit' yeh."  
"Okie!"  
And so the two ran off. Harry does a sort of skipping happy thing. And Seamus, doing the best he could not to punch Harry in the face.  
  
They finally made it to the dungeon. Just in time to see Fred and George walking out snickering, and giving Seamus a thumbs-up. They walked inside and saw Snape looking curiously at the stack of brownies in front of him.  
"Ah, I see someone has found my weakness for muggle sweets. However, I cannot raise marks for something like this. So whoever gave this to me, it is worthless! But I shall still eat it."  
The students looked on with odd looks, as the potions master ate every single brownie on the plate in less than 2 minutes.  
"Now class. I hope you don't have to be kicked out of the exam for... reasons. There will be now talking, cheating, sharing, or *hic* being a bunny."  
The entire class except Seamus, who knew what was going on, and Harry, who was too interested in a piece of fluff floating in front of him, looked very confused.  
Hermione piped up. "uh... a bunny, sir..."  
"5 points from Gryffin-- Gryffin-- heh, gryffin is a funny word!"  
"Well, professor Snape sir, I do believe the Gryffindors are pulling a prank on you. Some sort of Imperius curse or something..." Draco said with his familiar drawl.  
"AH! No talking! 50 points from slytherin!"  
The entire Slytherin side gasped in unison. Snape has never taken points from them.  
"All right, everyone put everything but your cauldrons away... and... Seamus, what is that?"  
"Oh, that's just Clarence, my purple duck" Seamus responded before breaking down in hysterical giggles. "That sounds dirty!"  
"Yes Seamus... well, anyways..."  
Snape then handed out the ingredients for the potions.  
"Now, children, I have set out your ingredients. You shall all brew me some antidote for the hubane poison. I assure you have all studied, so you shouldn't be afraid that I will test all of your potions on you."  
Snape turned over a large hourglass. "you have 2 hours."  
He then glided over to his chair and tried to sit down, but he missed the seat by about a foot. However, not many people had noticed.  
Seamus saw it though. And almost fell off his chair himself with laughter.  
Without getting up or looking Snape yelled, "10 points from Gryffindor!"  
All of Gryffindor moaned and looked at Seamus.  
"Way to go See-mouse!" Harry said indignantly.  
"I said no talking! 15 more points from Gryffindor! And 50 points from Slytherin because Crabbe is fat."  
The entire Gryffindor side snickered while the Slytherins looked confused. And Crabbe looked extremely hurt.  
"*sniff* I'm... I'm not... fat... I'm big *sniff* boned!"  
"Boned!" Seamus giggled  
Snape finally steadied himself and sat on his chair.  
Seamus began to pour various liquids and powders into his cauldron and some smoke started to rise...  
"Finnigan! What are you doing?" Draco said with his familiar drawl.  
"I decided instead of making an anti-hubane potion, I would make a invincible to everything potion. But then Clarence told me I was already invincible. So I thought of making an invisibility potion, but Clarence said I had already stolen Harry's cloak when he left to get his cauldron at lunch..." Seamus began to explain.  
"HEY! That was from my father!" Harry yelled.  
"Yeah well buy a new one rich boy! While you're at it, buy some new friends like Malfoy did! I don't know why I became friends with you in the first place!" Ron yelled.  
"So, Clarence and I agreed to make a potion that would cure all disease..." Seamus continued, oblivious to anyone.  
"Now I feel sad." Harry added, beginning to cry.  
"Now now, Harry." Hermione cooed. "You still have me..."  
"So! I can't even pronounce your name!"  
"It's Hermio--"  
"1 million points from both Gryffindor and Slytherin for talking!" Snape called from his chair, before falling off again.  
"1 billion points from this chair for being a dumbass!"  
Now everyone in the room noticed Snape's cries and tried as best they could to hold in their laughter.  
Except for Seamus.  
"But then that would throw out the balance of the universe. So we're making an anti-hubane potion that tastes good."  
"How would you do that? All hubane potions taste horrible!" Dean Thomas, the boy who takes lines while everyone else is busy, asked  
"Well, we don't know, so we're experimenting!"  
"QUACK!"  
"What the hell was that?" Malfoy sneered "Some kind of duck toy Seemose? For good luck? Or to keep you safe at nigh--OW! It bit me!"  
"He dunnu like when people mispronounce me name. Aye." Seamus answered, holding back a large stuffed purple duck and hiding it in his robes. Some faint quacking could be heard.  
"TIME'S UP!" Snape yelled, smashing the hourglass against a wall.  
"But it's only been 10 minutes sir." A random slytherin moaned.  
"5 million points from Slytherin!!!"  
The room went silent.  
"All right then, first to test their potion... Mr. Potter! Who I believe to also be.... LORD VOLDEMORT!!!!"  
"GASP!" The class gasped.  
"But how sir?" Goyle yelled, "Potter survived Vo--you-know-who's attacks, you-know-who killed Potters parents!"  
"Yes Goyle, but do you forget that Voldemort killed his own parents? He also could not be killed. Especially by his own spell. Potter is Voldemort!!!"  
"Gasp!" The class gasped again.  
Harry, who could not think of anything intelligible to say, reluctantly walked up to Snape.  
"Now Potter *cough* *Darklord* *cough* If you drink this hubane potion, then your own potion and live... I will suspect you cheated and fail you. But if you take the hubane potion, and none of your own and live, I will know you are the Dark Lord and kill you. And if your potion does not work, you will both die and fail. Ready Potter?"  
"Gulp!"  
"A gulp is not a correct answer Potter, it is a Dark Lord answer!" With that, Snap threw a vial into Harry's hands and forced him to drink it. He then shoved Harry's own potion into Harry's hand and made him drink that.  
And Harry fell dead to the floor.   
"I told you sir, ten minutes is not enough to save someone's life!" the random Slytherin said again.  
"10 billion points from Slytherin!!!"  
"HARRY! NO!!!! I NEVER GOT A CHANCE TO SAY I LOVED YOU!!!"  
  
  
With that, the whole room stared at Seamus.  
"Seamus," Hermione said patronisingly, "did you just say, 'harry, no, i never got a chance to say i loved you'?"  
"No, Clarence did."  
"Yes," Hermione continued... "Clarence..."  
The class snickered  
"Okay, I see that I was wrong about Harry being Voldemort." Snape admitted  
"GASP!"  
"But I still say the Dark Lord is among us! All of you now, bring your potions forward so I may test them on you!"  
But before anyone could notice, Seamus and Clarence had snuck out of class. They didn't want to be killed right before Divination. They always had the most fun there.  
"Seamus!!"  
Seamus turned around to see who could be calling his name so loudly... It was Hermione!  
"What ye be doin' Lass? Ye ne'er skip class! ACHhhhhhhhhhhhh!"  
"Stop with the accent shorty!"  
"Aye... I mean, uh sorry..."  
"You shame us, Seamus!"  
"Yes, my name is Seamus, why did you say it twice?"  
"I said you, as in Seamus, Shame, as in bring grief, to us, as in we."  
"Who's 'we'?"  
"We, the people who have names people just cannot pronounce correctly..."  
"How do I shame you, Hermione?"  
"You skipped class!"  
"No, I saved my own life! LET GO MAH PURSE! AH DON'T KNOW YOU!"  
Seamus then proceeded to kick Hermione in the nuts... er where her nuts would be, had she been born a male, then ran off giggling.  
He then skipped gleefully to Divination class, where Prof. Trelawney was waiting.  
"I have been waiting for you, Seamus..." She said in her misty voice.  
"Yes I know, the narrator pointed that out."  
"What! There really is a narrator?! Someone controlling our every move, with a vendetta far more powerful than the fates!? NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!"  
Prof. Trelawney curled up into the fetal position and lay shaking on the ground.  
"WhooHoo!!! Spare in Divination!" Seamus yelled running up to the attic.  
15 minutes later Seamus entered the freshly blazing and TP'd Divination class.  
  
  
Feeling quite bored, Seamus decided to return to the Gryffindor common room and catch some rays, as it had recently gotten a new sunroof.  
He ran up to the portrait of the Fat Lady and saw that she was asleep.  
"Hello? Pink Ladeeeeeeeyyyy!!! WAKE UP!"  
"*snort* hmm--? Oh-- Hello... Mmm... Password?"  
"Je m'en souvien pas!"  
"Well then you shouldn't be here, find out the password from a fri-- oh, wait, that's the new password isn't it? Oh well, forgetful me!"  
The fat lady swung open, revealing the somewhat empty common room. All who were in there were Fred and George, laughing maniacally.  
"Oi! It's Seamus! Seamus! What was it like? I wish I was there! Can't wait to get the film developed!"  
"What film?" Seamus asked  
"Oh, we enchanted our wands to record the whole class. From two different angles! I wonder what the look on his face will be like when he finds out..."  
With that, Seamus collapsed on the floor.  
"Oh no, Fred, I think he's had his first sugar crash..."  
"Whatever shall we do?!"  
"I have an idea..."  
"Does it involve permanent markers?"  
"And panties!"  
"Delicious!"  
"The panties, Fred, or the idea?"  
"Both!"  
And so the twins laughed some more....  
  
  
Snape bursts in  
Snape: Oh god I have the munchies!  
Fred: But sir, one only gets munchies if one has been smoking the wacky tobaccy!  
George: Please don't tell us our favourite role model has let us down sir!  
Snape: (looking somewhat disoriented) Uh... no, of course...not.... Gred, and Forge...BYE!  
Snape runs out.  
Narrator: Well that was certainly a fun adventure... wasn't it Seamus?  
Seamus: That's See-mos yah---oh, wait, yeh got it right. Aye.  
Narrator: And so we leave on a happy note...  
Fred: You mean how we have killed Harry after separating him from his best friend, kicking Hermione in her nether regions, leaving Professor Trelawney mentally wounded, destroying the Gryffindor common room, Seamus failing potions, almost killing Prof. Snape on overdose and revealing Neville Longbottom to be the true Voldemort?  
George: Well then of course it's a happy ending!  
Fred: Yep  
Narrator: You want me to do to you what I did to Harry?  
Fred and George: We'll be good!  
Narrator: And so we leave on a happy note, and I bid you all Adieu, while asking you to please review...  
  
Thank you, enjoy your day... :) 


	2. Seamus' Sugar High Part 2!

Because you asked for it (rather, because one of my friends and a reviewer asked for it...)  
It's Seamus's Sugar high: The sequel!!  
  
The next day.  
  
A random student walked into the Gryffindor common room this morning, as the clouds shone brightly   
through the sun.  
Random student: That makes less sense than the last chapter!  
Quiet you! Do I have to go through this again?  
Random Student: Go through what?  
Oh, you weren't there... hmmm... okay... then I'll just turn you into a Bertie Botts Every Flavour Bean!  
Random Student: But why?  
And so the student became a bean. A purple bean. Frog wart flavoured.  
And the bean said, in its non-existent, but still misty voice, "Isn't this supposed to be about Seamus?"  
I'm getting to that!  
  
So the sun shone brightly through the clouds again, casting their cloudy rays onto a young Irish lad lying on   
the Gryffindor common room floor.  
Ah the benefits of skylights.  
"Moan" Seamus moaned.  
"So Seamus, how are you this fine morning?" Fred asked.  
Seamus noticed that Fred and George were reclining in the chairs, getting a strange tan from the sunlight   
shining through the clouds. It made their freckles stand out.  
"Morning?" Seamus said groggily.  
"Yes. Saturday morning." George added, smearing some wizard sun block on himself.  
"Oh good, weekend... no class today."  
"No, but it is the day of the MAGNIFICENT MID YEAR FEAST!!" Fred stole the sun block. "I   
burn easily George, come on..."  
A random student then walked into the Gryffindor common room. However it wasn't really a student, but   
an omnipotent Every Flavour Bean! A purple one at that.  
"I am an Every Flavour Bean!!!" It yelled.  
"Yeah, the narrator just pointed that out." George replied.  
"I don't care, I'm pointing it out again!" It yelled again.  
"Pointing what out?" Fred asked.  
"I am an Every Flavour Bean!!!" It yelled.  
"Yeah, the narrator just pointed that out." George replied.  
  
  
ENOUGH!  
  
  
Fred, George, the Bean, and Seamus stood perfectly still and quiet.  
"Isn't this supposed to be about Seamus?" Fred asked.  
I'm getting to that!  
  
So the sun shone brightly through the clouds still, casting their cloudy rays upon the bean, the twins, and   
Seamus, who seemed to be waking up.  
"Oy... What happened?" He moaned.  
"Oh, just a small incident involving you and several muggle sweets." George said innocently.  
"...And why are there panties on my head?" Seamus added.  
Fred and George looked at each other and held back their laughter.  
Rather badly.  
And they burst into very loud laughter.  
And Seamus went to the bathroom to see what was wro--  
"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
Hermione walked into the common room "Hey, what's all this yelling about?"  
"You'll see."  
Seamus walked into the room, and both Hermione and the Every Flavour Bean disguised as a student burst   
into laughter.  
"Hey, waitaminute. You're just a giant Every Flavour Bean." Hermione said, amidst her girlish giggles.  
"Yes, the narrator just pointed that out." George replied.  
"I don't care, I'm pointing it out again!" It yelled again.  
"Pointing what out?" Fred asked.  
  
That's it! I'm nipping this in the bud!  
A 15 year-old girl with long brown hair and blue eyes popped into the room wearing black robes. She   
brandished her wand.  
"Silentium!"  
The twins didn't make a sound.  
"There!" The girl, who is actually me said proudly.  
"Who are you?" Hermione said in her better-than-you way.  
"I'll teach you to talk to me in the better-than-you way!" I replied.  
"Mortem!" I said, pointing my wand at Hermione.  
Hermione then fell to the ground dead, before dissolving into the air.  
"How did you do that?!" Seamus screamed.  
"I'm an author. I can do anything! Watch."  
"Markerus Vanisium!"  
Seamus felt his face and ran into the bathroom for a few seconds before running out and hugging me   
around the waist.  
"OMIGOD! How can I thank you?!" He squealed.  
"Hmmmm, you can be a groupie. Can never have too many groupies I say..."  
"Okay, what do I do?"  
"Just follow me around all day and do what I tell you to. If you're good, you'll be rewarded." I winked.  
"Oy! Did you just say something suggestively?" Ron said as he ran into the room.  
"OOH! Ron, someone else I can use as a groupie!"  
"Are the groupies rewarded?" Ron asked.  
"Of course!"  
Fred and George tapped me on the shoulder.   
"What is it?"  
They pointed to their mouths and my wand.  
"Fine, Vox!"  
"I thought this fic was supposed to be about Seamus." Fred shouted.  
"But, now it's just about you." George added.  
"So... I'm the author, it can be about whoever I want it to be about!"  
"The title says it's about Seamus."  
"I'm getting to that!"  
"Oy, do this mean Ah'm not a groupie no more?" Seamus asked.  
"No, just because you're the star doesn't mean you can'-- ahhh!!!" The author screamed as she burst into   
flame and disappeared.  
"What"  
"Was"   
"That?" Fred and George queried.  
"I think she's gone!" Seamus replied.  
"But where?"   
"Aw, I was going to be rewarded..." Ron sulked.  
Harry, replacing Hermione in the wits department, as he is a foil, after all, took a deep breath.  
"She went to the catacombs of the labyrinths of insanity within the realm of chaos which burns with the fire   
of eternal darkness at the altar of incredulity within the rule of the gods of favour and inspiration."  
"What the...? How did you know that, Harry?"  
"I'm the star. I know a lot of things for no reason."  
"But the author said Seamus was the star!" George reasoned.  
"Yeah, but where's the author now?" Fred countered.  
"I'm right here!" A misty voice from beyond yelled.  
"But where's 'here'?" George asked.  
"The catacombs of the labyrinths of madness within the realm of chaos which burns with the fire of eternal   
darkness at the altar of incredulity within the rule of the gods of favour and inspiration." The misty voice   
called out again.  
"Ha! Harry was wrong!" Ron laughed.  
"But I cannot be wrong! I am the star!"  
The author groaned mistily... "We went over this Potter!"  
"But it's the 'Harry Potter Series', how can I not be the star?"  
"Because the title is 'Seamus' Sugar High!! Part 2!'. Not 'Harry Argues With the Author'!"  
"Then why is Seamus not sugar high, and I'm arguing with the author?"   
"Do you want me to do to you the same thing I did to Hermione?" The misty voice threatened mistily.  
"I'll be good."  
Harry sulked back to his dorm room, clutching his scar from the danger inherent in the author's misty voice.  
"So Seamus, are ye ready for THE MAGNIFICENT MID YEAR FEAST?" George asked.  
"Well, how do you prepare fer such a thing... aye?"  
"Well, first you need a date..." Fred explained.  
"I call the author!" Ron yelled.  
Seamus, Fred and George look suspiciously at Ron.  
"Thought you liked Hermione..." Fred said.  
"Well, I thought that I'd like to be on the good side of the person who's controlling us... and you know,   
HERMIONE DIED LESS THAN 5 MINUTES AGO!" Ron explained.  
Seamus pondered... "Way to state the obvious Weasley... Too bad there aren't any other free girls in   
Gryffindor except for Lav and Pav."  
A strange girl in Gryffindor colours taps Seamus on the shoulder. "Funny you should say so Irish boy."  
Seamus snorted. "Yeah, well... you sound all, western... yeah! Aye! uh... achhhhhhh!"  
"Being as I'm sorta, Canadian..." The strange girl countered.  
"Oh, in that case..."   
At that moment, Dean Thomas ran in. "Ooh, a girl! I call her for the FEAST!"  
Seamus pushed her aside, "No way Thomas! She's mine! I'm the star!"  
"But I called her!"  
The strange girl shook her head... "I kinda wanted to go with George..."  
George smiled... "Well then, isn't that just too sad for our little 5th years..."  
Dean and Seamus hung their heads in shame.  
The strange girl wrapped her arms around George. "You Shame us, Seamus."  
"How so?" Seamus said while still hanging his head in shame.  
"You're not red-headed." The girl flipped back her luxurious red hair.  
"Those redheads always stick together." Dean whispered to Seamus while shaking his fist.  
The author pops up and now has red hair...  
"Ooh, I've always wanted red hair." She said, flipping back her voluminous red hair.  
"Me too," cried Neville.  
"When did you get here?" Fred asked.  
"I dunno, I guess I just popped up..." Neville shrugged... "But I learned a new spell!"  
Neville took out his wand. "L'orealus!!" And as the poof of spelly smoke dissipated, we notice that Neville   
now has neon green hair.  
"Aw damnit!" Neville cursed.  
"No, Longbottom! You've done it all wrong!" Said the newly red-haired Draco Malfoy.  
"How did you get in here?" Demanded Ron.  
"There's a giant hole in the roof if you haven't noticed, I was flying up there to spy on Potter, but I fell off   
when Neville startled me with that stupid spell. Now look at him... He looks completely ridiculous!"  
"Why don't you look in a mirror then?" Seamus snickered... Your hair's gone all red! And a bright shade   
from all the bleach already in it!"  
"At least I'm not the only one, Finnigan! Why don't you and Thomas have a look for yourselves! Your   
hair's gone red too!"  
"Excellent!" Dean crowed. A new strange girl, we'll call her Amanda for lack of confusion, sidled up to   
Dean, "Redheads turn me on..." She said while brushing back her long red hair.  
"Good Lord!" Neville moaned, "Is everyone in this school a redhead but me?!"  
"I'm not!" Cried Harry proudly...  
"Yes you are!" Amanda laughed.  
"And when did you re-enter the room?" Fred questioned.  
Harry shrugged. "I heard Draco was here, so I came to save you all."  
Everyone laughed hysterically.  
"What? What's so funny about that?" Draco demanded. "I demand to know! Ah, screw this..." Draco then   
left on his broom through the large hole in the Gryffindor roof.  
"To THE MAGNIFICENT MID YEAR FEAST!" Hermione yelled.  
"I thought you were dead." George frowned.  
"So."  
Everyone shrugged, for they could not defy her logic.  
"I call Hermione!" Seamus yelled.  
Harry looked confused. "Call her for what?"  
"Uh, nothing Harry, why don't you go back to your room and clutch your scar some more..." Ron said   
suspiciously.  
"Sounds like a plan!" Harry said, prancing to his bed.  
"Waitaminute, didn't Harry die in the first chapter?" Fred wondered.  
"And didn't Snape reveal that Neville was the true Voldemort?" George added.  
"Don't expect the rules of continuity to apply here!" The misty author voice said. "This is a humorous   
fanfiction, there shouldn't even be a second chapter!"  
With that the author materialized.  
"Hey." The author said coolly.  
"Not necessarily." The strange girl was pondering. "Chaptered humour fics are often done in script form or   
as a series of vignettes, though truly, continuity is never really achieved."  
"MSTs!" Hermione added with a shudder.  
"What?" Seamus was highly confused.  
"You don't want to know." Ron told him, being an experienced MSTer.  
The author sidled up to Ron and patted him on the back, "Aww. Poor Ron." She consoled.  
Neville groaned, "Good Lord, I have to go to the loo..."  
"I think that's the first time a washroom has been used for what it was built for in the entire series."   
Amanda exclaimed.  
Neville stroked his chin thoughtfully, "Well, I haven't gotten there yet, I could always be killed or   
otherwise incapacitated by death eaters on the way."  
"Yeah, that will probably happen." Hermione nodded.  
"Are we EVER going to go to the MAGNIFICENT MID YEAR FEAST?" Seamus groaned.  
"Who needs a feast? We're MAGICAL!!!" Cried Dean Thomas in a fit of insanity,  
Thousands of bags of marshmallows appeared around him. Whilst everyone in the room glared at Dean.  
"What?" Dean asked with a mouthful of sugary goodness, "Someone needed to have a burst of insanity, and   
I wasn't doing anything."  
"You're never doing anything, Dean." Hermione said with a sigh. "You're just here to say things when   
everyone else is busy."  
Dean shrugged, "Why do you think I have to drown my sorrows in marshmallows?"  
"I like marshmallows!" George said defensively, grabbing as many bags as he could off the floor. The   
strange girl patted him. "Yes George, we all love marshmallows.."  
"I have an idea!" Seamus cried, "let's have a bonfire!"  
"Maybe we shouldn't add any further damage to the common room, Seamus." Hermione countered.  
"What damage?" Seamus asked innocently. "I added a sunroof! Thus saving the school hundreds of dollars   
from hiring a contractor."  
"What's a dollar?" Asked Ron.  
"It's like a Galleon, but they use it in muggle North America." Hermione explained.  
"Why are we talking about North America?" Seamus asked.  
"I don't know, you brought it up!" Amanda reasoned.  
Hermione rolled her eyes, "You should know by now that the author is Canadian, by her spelling and use of   
words. Remember how she controls us all?"  
The author grinned.  
"We need an elevator in here!" Fred yelled randomly.  
"What's an elevator?" Asked Ron.  
Hermione rolled her eyes again, "The Canadian word for a lift."  
"What's a 'lift'?" Asked Ron.  
Everyone groaned at his muggle ignorance.  
"I can play chess!" Ron yelled randomly.  
A coterie of red headed girls came to Ron. "Oohh... Chess!"  
They attempted to get closer to Ron.  
"Back off whores! Ron's mine!" The author yelled, banishing them to the catacombs of the labyrinths of   
madness within the realm of chaos which burns with the fire of eternal darkness at the altar of incredulity   
within the rule of the gods of favour and inspiration.  
"And George is mine!" Yelled the strange girl randomly. Or was it the random girl strangely? Ah the   
mysteries of life.  
"Ah, the mysteries of life." Dean sighed.  
"I already said that!" The author said indignantly.   
"I was just accentuating the point..." Dean explained.  
"That's my job!"   
Or so she thought.  
"But I'm the author! I know! It's not 'or so she thought'! Why would I write this?"  
But you're not writing it!  
"But, who could be writing it then, if I am not?"  
It was I, Harry Potter, The Boy Who Lived!  
And in a fearful chorus, (blinking all the while) they screamed, "NOOOOOOOO!!!!"  
"It's just Harry," Said Ron.  
"Then why did you join the fearful chorus?" Fred queried.  
"It said 'they screamed,'" Seamus pointed out, "they didn't indicate who 'they' was."  
"So who is 'they'?" Questioned George.   
"The first 'they' or the second 'they'?" Said Dean.  
I'm confused.  
Hermione snorted. "I don't know how you manage without me, Harry Potter, now move over, it's my turn   
now."  
Or so she thought!  
"Shuttup Harry!" Hermione yelled, whilst dissaparating.  
"Hey! She couldn't have taken her apparation test yet!" Fred shouted.  
"Wait, you can't apparate on Hogwarts property!" Ron yelled.  
It took you that long to find out?  
Suddenly, a hologram of Hermione appeared in the middle of the common room.  
"Wow, Hermione, you look so hot today." Said Ron.  
"That's not something you would say, Ron." Seamus looked concerned.  
"I don't know what came over me, I don't remember wanting to say that..." Ron thought aloud. But all the   
while he had been walking closer to the hologram and eventually grabbed the Hermione look-alike around   
the waist.  
"I'm madly in love with you!" Ron shouted, the emotion in his voice, but the look of utter confusion on his   
face.  
MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!  
"That's it! No more of this!" The author growled while dissaparating.   
"There, that's better," The author said while Hermione was seen falling to the ground, before falling   
through the floor and splattering on the cement bean below.  
"The cement bean?" Fred wondered.  
"Don't ask." Said Harry, clutching his scar, blinking, and shaking his head. (Harry is and excellent   
multitasker.) "I've seen what goes on up there, it's not very sane."  
"Compared to you?" Hermione's hologram sneered.  
"There are leaps of insanity, even HARRY POTTER cannot reach!" Voldemort cried.  
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" They screamed.  
But then it turned out that Voldemort was another bean. Troll bogey flavoured. (Because they were both   
very nasty.)  
"Hey, when did you two appear in the common room?" Dean demanded.  
"YOU WILL NEVER KNOW!" The Voldemort bean yelled while flying out of the room.  
"MWAHAA!" Harry yelled, while flying out of the skylight.  
"How can he fly without his broom?" The Hermione hologram inquired.  
"YOU WILL NEVER KNOW!" Fred cried, while also running out of the room.   
"HuH?"  
"He had a tiny broomstick in his pants." The author explained.  
Amanda giggled loudly. "The broomstick in his pants is tiny!"  
The strange girl smiled suggestively. "Can I see your Firebolt George?"  
"Actually, I have a Cle-- Ohhhhhhhh....." George grinned. The two of them left for the Broom closet.  
THE MAGNIFICENT BROOM CLOSET!!!  
  
And now, for a diversion, (preventing us from the quadruple entendre) we present...  
THE MAGNIFICENT TOP 5 WAYS TO GET RON INTO THE MAGNIFICENT   
BROOM CLOSET WITH YOU.  
  
OH THE MAGNIFICENCE!!!!  
  
5. Announce that the first person to get into THE MAGNIFICENT BROOM CLOSET is   
automatically given a position on the CHUDLEY CANNONS quidditch team (OH THE   
MAGNIFICENCE)  
  
4. Whisper to him that a winning lottery ticket is hidden somewhere in your bra.  
  
3. Declare that the school is becoming overrun by spiders, and the only safe place to hide is in THE   
MAGNIFICENT BROOM CLOSET  
  
2. IMPERIO!  
  
1. Say "Hey Ron, wanna go into this broom closet with me?"  
  
NOW BACK TO THE MAGNIFICENT STORY!!!!  
  
During that diversion, Ron and the author had taken the time to go to the OTHER MAGNIFICENT   
BROOM CLOSET.  
Also, the hologram of Hermione disappeared.  
So all we're left with is Seamus and Dean.  
(P.S. Harry had died of severe forehead pains, and Neville had died due to an exploded bladder, and   
Amanda left, 'cause she felt like it.)  
"So... Seamus..." said Dean.  
"So... Dean..." Said Seamus.  
"I have a feeling this fic is over." Dean replied.  
"Nah... I think it'll la--"  
  
The End  
THE MAGNIFICENT END!!!!  
Oh the MAGNIFICENCE!!! 


End file.
